Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
