Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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