I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
