Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
