I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
