sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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