Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
