I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
