Your face is a jimmy john
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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