your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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