So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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