I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
