My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
