You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
