Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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