the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
