Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
