i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
