my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
