so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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