I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
