This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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