apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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