omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
