does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
