glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Cover your peen. We're going out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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