Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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