also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
