i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
