pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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