i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
