Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
