I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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