He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
