The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
