I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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