you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
