mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
