this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
