He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize