i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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