Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
