Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
