I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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