It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
