he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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