I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
