i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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