Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
