if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
