OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
