Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize