I checked into jail on foursquare
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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