Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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