i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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