I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
