i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
