remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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