peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
