I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
