I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
