So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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