I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I forget how to act sober
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
