my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
