So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
