Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
