Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
