I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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