You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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