Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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