There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
