we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize