So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
