Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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