im about as happy as oj after his trial
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
