It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
